What if the pressure to become a better version of yourself isn’t actually helping you receive more love or support?
What if it’s only convincing your nervous system that who you are today isn’t enough?
Many sensitive, capable women I work with don’t realize at first that a part of them is striving to become someone else.
A part of them learned that they’ll receive more love, support, and success once they become a little more shiny.
A little more together, more impressive, or more accomplished.
Because that part believes that’s the woman who will finally receive the love and support she wants.
This week, two of my clients came to the same realization.
The choices they were making in relationships weren’t really coming from their adult selves.
They were coming from a younger part that had put the man and the relationship on a pedestal, then worked very hard to become shiny enough to be chosen.
As we stayed with the younger part during our session, something unexpected happened. They both looked at the man differently.
The spell had broken, and for the first time they could clearly see that he wasn’t actually a good fit for them.
Once they recognized it, they started seeing it everywhere.
In relationships, it showed up as being easygoing instead of expressing their needs, comparing themselves to other women, and feeling responsible for whether someone chose them.
At the same time, there was a deep sadness that no one was truly seeing them—that the woman underneath all the striving might never be understood or loved.
At work, it showed up as constantly improving themselves instead of letting their existing skills be seen.
They spent so much energy taking care of everyone else or becoming more shiny that they rarely allowed people (and themselves) to simply see the value they were already bringing.
When you’re trying to become “shiny,” you often don’t notice the people and opportunities that are already capable of supporting the present adult you.
Your body isn’t looking for steadiness yet, it’s looking for relief through finally feeling chosen.
And this is where somatic work changes things in your life.
During our sessions, my clients’ nervous systems begin experiencing that their ordinary, real selves were already worthy of being seen, loved, and chosen.
As this begins to feel safe, your attention naturally turns toward the people and opportunities that feel steady, mutual, and supportive instead of those that activate the old chase.
You no longer feel the same pressure to become better, heal one more thing, or improve yourself before you let yourself enjoy your life. Instead, you begin taking in today’s conversation, today’s work, today’s walk, today’s cup of coffee.
The space that used to be filled with becoming better becomes the space where you get to finally receive completely new experiences.
As their body becomes more comfortable being “ordinary,” my clients begin experiencing deeper, more intimate relationships.
They’re allowing themselves to be fully seen as the woman they already are.
They enjoy feeling wanted, chosen, and cherished because their body can finally take those experiences in.
Their body isn’t searching for the familiar almost relationship or the feeling of almost being chosen.
As the need to become shiny softens, they naturally connect with other “ordinary,“ steady, supportive people.
Connection becomes a part of life that feels enjoyable, easy to receive, and deeply pleasurable. They’re no longer hiding themselves behind self-improvement.
At work, they feel more confident in their skills, expertise.
They trust their instincts, make decisions that feel right to them instead of decisions that simply make them more productive.
And they naturally become more available to the clients and opportunities that genuinely value what they already bring.
If you’re tired of constantly feeling like you need to become a better version of yourself before you can fully receive love, support, or success, this is exactly the work I guide women through in my 1:1 somatic sessions.
We don’t help you become someone else
Together, we help your nervous system experience that it is safe to be seen exactly as you are.
We help your body build a new experience of steadiness, nourishing connection, self-trust, and receiving so you can finally begin recognizing and choosing the relationships, work, and support that naturally fit the woman you already are.
If that feels like the direction your life is asking for right now, I’d love to support you.
You can learn more about my 1:1 somatic sessions and apply to work together HERE.
