The Relief of Not Having to Perform in Your Relationships and Career: When You Don’t Have to Get It Right

There’s a kind of woman people naturally rely on.

At work, she’s the one who notices what’s missing before anyone else does.
In friendships, she’s the one who keeps things running smoothly.
In family dynamics, she’s the one who can feel tension coming before it shows up.

In romantic relationships, she often ends up tending to the emotional atmosphere.

To others it can seem like she enjoys being in control. But for her that feeling of being one step ahead of everyone is how her system learned to protect itself.

Her nervous system learned, a long time ago, to anticipate and manage. It learned that paying attention early could prevent things from falling apart.

From the outside, this often looks like competence and ambition. Inside, it feels more like she is carrying everything on her own. … Continue readingThe Relief of Not Having to Perform in Your Relationships and Career: When You Don’t Have to Get It Right

Stop Working on Yourself. Start Staying With Yourself.

You’ve learned to be the reliable one.

The one who figures it out.
The one who adapts.
The one who is always improving so life keeps moving.

It somewhat works…
But it also means you rarely get to be yourself without also being responsible for everything and everyone around.
And you rarely enjoy where you are before thinking about what’s next.

If you’re a smart, capable, high-achieving woman, you don’t need to work on yourself more. … Continue readingStop Working on Yourself. Start Staying With Yourself.

Learning to Stay With What You Feel: Moving toward reciprocal relationships

One of the most encouraging things to learn about your nervous system is this:

Your emotions don’t get stronger because you’re broken — they get stronger because they’re looking for you.

When you try to push past what you feel or “hold it together,” your system doesn’t quiet down; it simply tries harder to get your attention.
Not to overwhelm you — but to communicate. … Continue readingLearning to Stay With What You Feel: Moving toward reciprocal relationships